the key to being a domestic goddess

Likely as you've looked over being a domestic goddess you've thought a few things along the lines of, "no wonder feminism took so long, sheesh!" or, "are you kidding me? who am I superwoman?" and while valid I'm going to share with a little oft-overlooked secret that save your sanity. It's called management. I don't mean time management or money management - though those will come into play - I mean the ultimate management position: mistress of the household.

Even if we do manage to be good managers we're riddled with guilt. Today we're letting all that go and you're going to to find out how to be a domestic goddess.

Let's begin with a letter first discussed by the lovely Allison over at Brocante Home.

"Fifties Housewives led much more stress free lives than today's modern career women. My sister and I were forties babies, growing up on a council estate, where we had weekly visits by a window cleaner, a bin man and a laundry man.

Milk was delivered daily, coal once a week and we were regularly offered the services of a chimney sweep.

The local butcher, greengrocer and newsagent all delivered our daily requirements by bicycle, and our local G.P was the only car owner .

We had real food, no bother with sell-by dates and an excellent cold-slab pantry next to the kitchen which had linoleum flooring, allowing for swift cleaning. A quiet very light carpet sweeper called a Ewbank, was no sweat at all on carpets. And ironing was minimal as our wardrobes were small.

My mother busied herself with the garden, shopping for the occasional treat and socializing. She walked everywhere, taking us to the park, library and swimming baths.

I feel very sorry for the modern career woman, especially if she is also a mother with the frenetic, unhealthy lifestyle she must endure today.

Mrs Patricia Pierce.
Sale, Manchester.

Now Alison points out that many of these services are still available today - what we don't have is the belief that this is an okay way to live. If we are good house managers we feel like we are somehow cheating - it's fine in the business world but not in our homes? What sort of sense does that make? That's right, none.

Let's begin at the beginning - what cannot be delegated?

Emotional care for your children. This means being around at regular times and giving both quality and quantity attention to them.

Wifedom. Physically, emotionally, mentally and socially. There is no wife substitute at any level.

Management. The buck stops here - so to speak. While you may confer with your husband, gal pals, Mother, or household experts the ultimate responsibility for seeing that all is done and done well is your job.

Being the Warm Spirit of your home. Your happy personality should be a regular presence in the home. If you aren't a happy personality it is up to you to see that you develop one. Though the way you are happy does not - by any means - need to be the same way another woman is happy.

Now for what can be delegated:

All Cleaning. That's right, all cleaning! The laundry, the windows, dusting and vacuuming, making the beds, cleaning the kitchen, it can all be delegated.

All Sewing. Yup, same here. All mending, ironing, and sewing of clothes.

Organizing. Though I recommend you have a say in this you don't actually have to figure it out.

Interior Decorating. There's lots of people willing to help in this department.

Gardening. Even though Mrs. Patricia Pierce's Mother did lots of gardening doesn't mean you have to.

Feeding, cleaning, dressing children. You are responsible to see that it gets done, of course, but you don't have to do it yourself. If you did you could never have a babysitter over.

Creating a budget. My husband makes ours.

Lastly, all cooking. Yup, everything about it - menu planning, shopping, food preparation, and clean up can all be delegated.

That's a lot of delegating. Certainly it takes a certain amount of money - or a lot of children - to delegate all of these out. And in the case of children you want to be certain that you aren't delegating too much to any one child (as more than one oldest daughter can attest to) but that ought to relieve some of the pressure.

The Art of Management has been lost and degenerated in our democratized and female-hating society because we've decided that it's morally wrong for us to hire someone else to do the "menial tasks" though we think nothing of hiring others to do this for us if it's either for business or outside of our home. Of course the hotel maid ought to clean up after us. And we think we deserve a good meal from the restaurant chef. We're impressed by the swanky new digs at the corporate office . . . and so on.

It is my personal, professional opinion that part of this contempt for management is because we don't know what's okay to delegate and what isn't. You now have the list.

This week's assignments.

• Consider what would make the biggest difference if it was delegated out. Brainstorm ways this could work.
• Look carefully at the list of things NOT to be delegated. Are you neglecting any of them? What would help you to enjoy your non-delegated responsibilities?
• Let go of the guilt. You are not some sort of slave or martyr; you are mistress of the household. Start acting like one.