the fascinating way to speak the five love languages: quality time

This is a continuation of the series based on Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages."

As you may already be aware quality time consists in the amount of attention you're giving to someone - in this case your husband.

One of your best opportunities to give quality time is when he comes home from work. Show him respect by giving him a chance to unwind by setting him down on his favorite chair, giving him a snack and when he's all situated steer the conversation into waters where he can shine: subjects you know he knows a lot about. Then just sit there and admire him. Admire his intelligence. Admire his expertise. Admire his integrity. Admire his ingenuity and creativity. Admire his forbearance and the way he "stuck it" to whomever needed sticking to. You can of course also do this during dinner, while on a date, after bedtime, while in the shower. Really whenever you're in a position to give your full attention to him. Ten to thirty minutes is probably plenty of time but let his behavior be your barometer.

Another way to give your man quality time is to be with him as he participates in something he loves but which you don't necessarily: watching sports games, playing video games, going camping, etc. Of course if you do enjoy them, so much the better. The key here is that it is something he enjoys. If you're there with him and focused on what he's focused on he'll feel like you've spent quality time with him.

Lastly, any activity that the two of you are doing together can be quality time if you are happily giving it your complete attention, this includes sexual activity, going to his company's Christmas party, and playing scrabble with him.

As you try these out watch carefully for his reactions and ask if there's any other way he'd like you to give time and attention to him. If it's not his primary love language he may not need much quality time. If it is his primary love language and you haven't been giving it he may become insecure when you have to move onto other tasks; afraid to bask in your loving actions for fear they are going to go away permanently. If this (or any other negative behavior occurs) refer to the Pandora Box's Effect.

Now . . . I've got to go see if my husband would like me to play some Rock Band with him.

1 Comment:

Ms Summer said...

Hi Liss,
Thank you for your wonderful articles! I am a new reader and just browsing through your blog which is really really helpful for me:) I am on my way to becoming more feminine, and your site is one of the rare ones to give encouraging advice on this. Thanks so much! xxx